First person point of vieW

So many thoughts in my head. So many. And basically, it's all negative. Amazingly, it has translated to something material; concrete evidence of its existence. My personal health detereoration. And i don't literally mean just the usual hot sensation on my forehead, my nauseatic symptoms and the likes. It goes way beyond that, at which point it had contributed to the many thoughts running and playing in my head, torturously.

I'm dealing with alot of worries. And i mean, alot, and significant, personally. It's difficult to go through one's mind, nor is it easy to experience what others are feeling or going through. The only real possible way of achieving that is by becoming that person for a day. At which point, everything will come into perspective, arranges itself in a peculiar pattern, matches together like a jigsaw puzzle, and literally makes rational sense!

Dealing with these thoughts and worries are dreadful, and most dangerously, 'hazardous'. Stress kills. In most instances, it cannot be dealt with. It will only therefore be able to undergo suppresion. Which hinges upon the physical bodily existence of a person and therefore, health worsening. When mind, body and soul are "drained off", its a vegetative state, in the figurative sense. The only time for "break" is when more than one significantly worrying thoughts are fighting for immediate attention. It's an anomic state of mind where there is a conflict between "conflicts", so much so that you go blank for a moment, processing which one to think about. And when one prevails, its a matter of time before the other crops up again, leaving very little, if no, space for "recuperation".

Needless to say, sometimes i experience a state of breathing difficulties which isn't caused by signus. Of course, the obvious reality is that everyone has experienced that too at interval points in their daily lives. For different reasons though, the atmospheric pressure seem to decrease tremendously, in which case pressure from within seem to be alot higher relative to the environment, causing extreme difficulty in inhaling oxygen. At the same time though, it seems to be that the pressure has increased as well, whereby force seem to be applied on your chest. Heart rate and pulse literally increase and cold sweats sometimes follow. At its peak, sometimes it almost impulsively causes that person to tell it all out from A to Z in an emergency-like sensation, OR, at its lower-end peak, scold people in anger that overly justifies itself.

I should say no more.

In a different case, more often than not, i have personal opinions, judgements and comments on the actions of others. I just don't see common morality that often.
At times though, my wondering thoughts seem to conquer my mind entirely, by which time i could not be bothered.

Another place

SCX, Sihao n me went to bkt tinggi because sihao's parents went outstation. So he decided to call us again. As bukit tinggi is the heaven of food, we literally scout for new food place that we never ate in before. Sihao's scouting skills had led us to have dinner at Korean BBQ. This guy who stays further than the two of us frm bkt tinggi seems to know the area better than we do!

The dinner was pure korean style. As i've went to south korea before, i can say that it felt as if i was eating at that time back in korea. The plates of small dishes were cold (korean style) and the bbQ was delicious. Not exactly enough for 3 people also if you are a big eater. But nevertheless delicious. There is a thing at the top of the roasting plate which actually functions to absorb all the smoke released from the roasting and was quite a scene at every table hanging there these "pipe-like" ventilator of some sort.





kimchi rice


The dinner was undeniably expensive. As we shared out among us, mine totalled up to twenty something alone. Later, we obviously decide to hang out longer. So we went to a cafe-like shop and had ice-creams. We talked alot about secondary school life. Sort of felt like a reunion. But alot of issues were expressed. And btw, we also went to visit the largest Coca-Cola collection store which i did not took any pictures of. But basically, the stores was all about coke including keychains, bottles, empty cans, clocks, decorations, awards and photos, etc etc. Even the door handle is in a coke bottle shape!

It all ended 12smthin. Guess they saw me in my tired mode already so they decided to call it a night.

Conspiracy theory

Sometimes, it feels as if you were thrown on stage in the middle of an international gathering. Sometimes, though, it feels as if you were experiencing an out-of-body experience.

Let's take the latter. When you are in a different plane in astral form, you wonder:

a) what happen to everyone else?

or

b) what happen to you?

Either way, there really is no answer to be revealed. Because it's just the way it is. Even if you get an answer, it might very well be a false one. And if you get a false one, then it is a false one. And when you get the real one, you will think it is the false one and so believe that it is false. In essence, the truth will never be revealed under a "systematic" and "loyal" framework of conspiracy. Leaving one in eternal false consciousness. The only truth there is is of that person himself; pure consciousness.

But does that matter to all the pawns of that conspiracy? Absolutely not.

The mastermind knows the "truth", so he thinks. You might very well have. But it will escape revelation for eternity while you'll remain banished to a world of fallacy.

Socio-status

Today is the first day of our new sociology lecturer. Well, yea . They change again.

I was sms-ing this friend of mine who quite some time din contact me, when she suddenly entered the class sharp at about 2:00pm and had the class turn off their handphones or silent-mode them. And she started talking already.

She also wanted a filing systems of all our A2 notes, which was a problem for me because i don't file my notes..ahhah..i merely stack 'em up and put into my bag. So must go get one already, she insisted. "No testpad papers in between notes, no notes in between textbook, no folding notes and chuck 'em in the bag" were her requirements. Well, at least she's systematically organised.

So she went on and took our attendance. She also insisted that those who haven't decided to continue or drop sociology to do so already. And then she started her lecture. Her lecture was very well explained and the class was, in my opinion, in full concentration. She's strict and good. haha

When she announced a 15minute break, it was like a huge "phew....." as we left the classroom...quite constricting a little but i guess i'll get use to it. Btw, she also gave us a schedule already as to her classes in the coming weeks..there's even a TIMED TEST written there....doom...like so tension..

So, it was a good lecture today and definitely learned something in today's class. For one, innate intelligence has once been taught to be the reason for educational differences. haha...that was it.